Morning Baby!
You don’t need to feel any pressure to complete me, I come to you fairly intact and with a deep sense of purpose and belonging already. I bring with me the ability to be in love with life, independent of our relationship. Today I can feel life running through me, and my vision for this life is shining through me. You know why I’m here babe? I’m here to inspire greatness! Greatness in everyday life is overlooked way too much, which leaves a lingering pain of lack and struggle. I am a committed searcher, guiding other searchers to find fulfilment. However the word ‘searcher’ is very misleading in that it implies one end result, one sense of completion at the end of the longest journey. I see my searching differently. It is searching that allows me to collect pieces to a picture that is always complete, it just gets bigger and added to with every new realisation.
From this perspective, there are no ‘holes’ or ‘missing pieces’ and most importantly...there is no waiting! For many years I have felt a you-shaped hole in my heart. In fact anyone who has left my life seemed to take their little shape in my heart with them....apparently. Today I set that record straight because to walk around with holes in ones heart makes for patchy-living and painful waiting.
I didn’t necessarily wake up feeling this way this morning. I woke up feeling a little bleak in fact. There was however, a little gap between feeling bleak and an opportunity to feel different. I wrote down my vision for different aspects of my life. I looked at how I saw my life in 5 years time. I wrote about what I do want because the little bit of bleakness I felt this morning, I’ve felt before and it tends to natter on about what I don’t want...not helpful! There was no actual reason to feel bleak except for an empty space in my day due to a client postponing. From experience I have learned that just keeping myself busy to avoid feelings of boredom and fear of not contributing enough to my projects, is not productive or inspiring in any way! I contemplated in our beautiful garden how many people feel stuck or bored because there is a sense of being trapped in life as we know it. And then I thought...what a load of bullshit!! This is not my truth! This is not what I have spent the last 15 years studying, living and researching. I don’t even like thinking this thought! This is not the truth at all!
I know how we got here though. I know how I take myself there with thoughts of bleakness being in charge, by the mere fact that I’m in a habit of thinking them! But what about the evidence in my life of moments of greatness? Why don’t I count them and hold them in a more prestigious place by focussing on them? I chatted to you last week about feeling like something wasn’t in my life, I think it was intimacy that I was lamenting about on that particular day. And my words weren’t even chilled by the air yet when one phone call from a friend brought my attention to the reality that I have incredibly deep and intimate relationships with many, many people in my life. In fact I don’t do any other way of relating to people, or myself. I had spun a web of lies around me about being fearful of intimacy, not being able to be in a committed relationship, until...and you could have blown me over with a feather, I realised that there is no other way for me to be with another. I had relegated myself to the “Incapable of connecting” team without opening my eyes to the obvious! So my point is that often we are so busy regurgitating a sad, sad story that the delightful presence of our deepest desires goes unseen. This does not equate to the absence of our dreams and hence our unworthiness to have them.
So yes, this morning the opportunity to slip into the possibility of connecting with the beautiful experience of life we crave all day while listening to our habitual crap about how difficult it is to have the life we want, I looked up to the sky and I was jolted into a reality that was so perfect, so rich with life, so incredibly beautiful and my heart cracked open into a feeling of being in love and life poured in. Without any words or visions a knowing exploded in me that reminded me of the completion of my life. It reminded me of talents and gifts that I have sitting in my heart’s storeroom waiting to be used and developed. One of which is my understanding of the possibility of each of us to dance to the rhythm of our greatness. Although I have years of reading and experience behind me, none of this is of any value with my heart shut and my thoughts left to their own devices. Because left unattended, my thoughts are going to take the easy road, they going to repeat the thoughts they’ve thought the most and ignore the glaring opposite thoughts because new thoughts might conjure up new thoughts and new experiences that require unfamiliarity to come for tea.
I’m not sure why it is almost an organic experience to live in familiarity. It certainly isn’t a pleasurable ride! And uncertainty is not the worst house guest to have around. Within seconds of inviting this unattractive guest in a new world opens up that brings not only relief but reassurance that our biggest dreams and desires are not only possible but inevitable if we just stay tuned into this station a little longer and tune in again tomorrow and the next day!
So I come to you whole babe. I don’t have a list of activities I have to carve out of our time together so that I can feel filled-up enough to give on the level that feels inspiring to me. I just have to remember to keep my heart open and to let life in.
In the moment everything I need shows up
I love you,
Me. x
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